David McCandless

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Award-winning London-based writer, author and satirist

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How To Complain In A Restaurant

Ten years ago, we did as we were told. If we didn’t like a dish, or a table, or a wine, and the waiter asked us if everything was alright, we’d say “Yes thank you!” in a meek voice.

Today we know what we want. We won’t stand for ignorant waiting staff, sloppy service and bad background music. In fact, we like to complain.

But complaining, like cooking, is an art. For the best results, mastery of discernment, timing and presentation is required. And, perhaps most importantly, the appropriate attitude.

See it less as complaining, more as explaining there’s a problem and giving the restaurant a chance to put things right.

Here, three leading industry insiders with the 10 most commonly encountered problems, as voted for by Olive Magazine readers, and asked them to give us a masterclass in how to handle them effectively.

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The Good Podcast Guide - Radiotimes.com

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I’ve been writing a weekly Podcast guide on RadioTimes.com for RSS obsessed audiofiles. Saves you trawling through the dross to find the gems. Here’s a Best Of to get you started.

Filed in Articles, Journalism, Technology, Websites | Permalink

Watch This Space - Radiotimes.com YouTube column

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I’m writing a weekly column on the ‘Best Of YouTube’. Cherry-picked video clips with fun and some might even say, witty, commentary. Find it here. Be sure to track back through the archive. There’s some good stuff in there.

» Clips For Kids
» Best of The Simpsons
» The Best (And Worst) UFOs

Filed in Articles, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, Video | Permalink

He Took 40,000 Ecstasy Pills

ecstasy_tablets.jpgDoctors from London University have revealed details of what they believe is the largest amount of ecstasy ever consumed by a single person. Consultants from the addiction centre at St George’s Medical School, London, have published a case report of a British man estimated to have taken around 40,000 pills of MDMA, the active ingredient in ecstasy, over nine years. The heaviest previous lifetime intake on record is 2,000 pills.

The Guardian, April 2006

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Filed in Articles, Drugs, Subculture, The Guardian | Permalink

The Father Of LSD

sthofmann.jpgDr Albert Hofmann was an anonymous Swiss chemist - then he inadvertently created the mind-altering ‘psychedelic’ drug that would shape popular culture for generations. As he celebrates his 100th birthday, David McCandless hears about the trip of his lifetime

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Filed in Articles, Drugs, Science | Permalink

Why can’t my mobile spell tofu?

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I bought some undu at Painsbusys to eat with my flaunaue. Why can’t my mobile spell properly?

My phone has everything: camera, polytones, triband, GRPS, internet, MP3 player. The manual is heavier than the phone, which is heavier than my wallet, now substantially emptier for having purchased it. But there is one flaw: the predictive text dictionary.

Published in The Guardian, 24 November 2005

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Filed in Articles, Funny, Journalism, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

Fitter, Happier, More Productive

Thanks to David Allen’s cult time-management credo, I have a tidy desk, a clear conscience, increased output - and an unfolding love affair with my filing cabinet.

It is grey and it is ugly, but I love it. My new Bisley four-drawer filing cabinet dominates the corner of my all-new home office. It is the centrepiece of a new organisational system that has rejuvenated my perspective and changed my life. It is all I can do not to stroke it.

Published in The Guardian, August 05

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Filed in Articles, GTD, Geeky, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

They Sing The Comet Electric

Dissident scientists advocating a controversial theory of the universe are having a field day in the wake of NASA’s Deep Impact comet collision earlier this month.

Scientists promoting the Electric Universe model say their predictions for the comet mission appear to have been more accurate than NASA’s.

Deep Impact

Published on Wired.com, Aug 05

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Filed in Articles, Journalism, Net Culture, Science, Wired | Permalink

The Crash Of The Online Drugs Trade

Trail of electronic data from US websites leads to convictions for Britons buying psychedelic drugs on net.

Police have arrested and prosecuted more than 22 British customers of websites selling class A designer drugs online after a trail of electronic evidence from busted websites in the US led police to addresses across the UK.

Published in The Guardian May 05

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Filed in Articles, Drugs, Journalism, Subculture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

Want the Sith movie? Got to Usenet

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Usenet newsgroups dedicated to piracy are seeing a resurgence in activity as file sharers seek less-policed areas of the internet to trade illegal data…

Published on Wired.com May 05

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Filed in Articles, Geeky, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, Wired | Permalink

What’s all the fuss about … Fairtrade

Feel guilty eating a constant stream of ‘evil products’? You could go Fairtrade.

Published in BBC Olive Magazine May 05

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Filed in Articles, Food, Journalism | Permalink

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbour’s Wifi

Is it OK to borrow someone else’s wireless network without their permission? And how do you stop others doing the same to you?

I am faced with a modern ethical conundrum. My flat is very long and thin and, frustratingly, my wireless network does not extend from the office at the back to the lounge at the front. My dreams of sofa-surfing have been thwarted. However, my laptop does pick up my neighbour’s Wi-Fi connection. It’s called “belkin54g” after the brand of router he is using. A quick Google reveals the default passwords for this router. A few security screens later, I’ve effortlessly hacked into my neighbour’s Wi-Fi. I can now surf on the sofa while watching TV and drinking red wine. Bliss.

Of course, he doesn’t know this, which leaves the conundrum: should I tell him his network is unprotected and risk losing my convenient living room wi-fi? Or should I continue to hijack his connection, risking discovery and a possible neighbourly feud?

Published in The Guardian April 23rd 05

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Filed in Articles, Geeky, Journalism, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

Am I orthorexic?

An obsession with healthy eating could be dangerous, doctors have warned. So what’s it like suffering from orthorexia?

My family have accused me of having it. My friends suspect me too. After a brief resistance and some research, I’m ready to concede: “My name is David and I am mildly orthorexic.”

Orthorexia nervosa is an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating. Unlike the related anorexia, sufferers are concerned not with quantity but with quality. It’s not about feeling fat, but about feeling pure.

Published on BBC News March 05

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Filed in Articles, Food, Journalism | Permalink

Why I’m Giving Up Broadband

With an estimated five million people now connected to broadband at home, one early internet enthusiast is giving it up for good. David McCandless explains why he’s given it the boot.

Published on the BBC News Magazine, Feb 2005

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Filed in Articles, Funny, Geeky, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology | Permalink

What’s all the fuss about … Slow Food?

It’s the perfect fine-tasting antidote to fast food, didn’t you know?

Published in BBC Olive Magazine Dec 04

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Filed in Articles, Food, Journalism | Permalink

What’s all the fuss about … Bottled Water?

Is it really that much better than tap? Really? Why?

Published in BBC Olive Magazine Oct 04

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Filed in Articles, Food | Permalink

Just one more go…

Some online games are so addictive, some players just can’t stop - even if their lives depend on it

Ahmar Ahmad has not been outside his home in Beckenham, south London for three weeks. He barely speaks to his brother Amir anymore, just a few words when they see each other in the morning. A year ago, the 30-something brothers, avid PC games players, came across an online fantasy war game called CastleQuest 2. That was when things started to go wrong.

Today, the brothers are the top-ranking players in the game and proud of it. But it has cost them. CastleQuest is set in a persistent real-time universe. When you leave, it carries on. So to hold onto their position, the brothers must play the game 24 hours a day, in shifts. Each shift lasts 12 hours. As one gets up, the other goes to bed. They know it’s odd. It would be funny if they could only free themselves from it, but they can’t. They are addicted.

Published in The Guardian September 04

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Filed in Articles, Gaming, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

What’s all the fuss about … Food Miles?

What are they? And why are they bringing about the end of the world?

Published in BBC Olive Magazine Aug 04

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Filed in Articles, Food, Journalism | Permalink

Diary Of A Virus

Within 24 hours of its release, the MyDoom virus had flooded the world’s email networks, making it the fastest-spreading virus ever.

Published in The Guardian Feb 04

They first detected it at 13:03 GMT, 10 days ago. An innocuous attachment in an email sent from Russia triggered a minor alarm at the Global Operations Centre of Messagelabs, a leading email security firm. No one paid it much attention. Just another new virus, one of the handful that are trapped, analysed and blacklisted every day in the darkened bunker in Gloucester they call the war room. Little did they know…

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Filed in Articles, Geeky, Net Culture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

Trip II The Moon

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The internet underworld of extreme drug use finds its voice.

“Everyone who was still left at the party began running like hunted animals. I wasn’t sure if Ray had a weapon at this point so I decided to just run away from him. We wouldn’t have been so scared to fight him had he not been naked and also a 6-foot-1-inch, 180-pound Taikwondo Black Belt. About five of some of my bigger friends restrained him by holding his arms and legs that were kicking furiously. This is when he started to speak as if he were possessed. He would repeat the same phrases in random order. He was saying shit like: “This is perfection, I am Jesus, I am the center of the universe, I’m gay, Come lie with me, Daddy Mommy lie with me, black people, fingertips, Cock!!!” and he would scream at the top of his lungs between saying these horrid things…”
“Possessed Rampage” by TJ
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=6839

On underground drug websites, there are tens of thousands of ‘trip reports’ - web-essays detailing the first-hand experiences of users of just about every drug you can image: synthetic, plant, household cleaning product. Speed, cannabis, ecstasy, opium, LSD, alcohol, Benylin, even caffeine, even nutmeg . Plus bizarre ‘research chemicals’ with exotic lab names such as 5-Me0-DiPT and 2-CT-2 that are too new to have earned themselves a street name.

Unedited, unfettered, often unpunctuated, trip reports make compelling, voyeuristic and at turns touching and harrowing reading. The writers have no inhibitions. Anonymity frees them (as do the drugs). Many are typed under the influence: pure streams of altered consciousness, running to thousands of words.

Published in Tank Magazine Feb 04

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"You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll realise you didn't cry at all, but simply laughed again."
Charlie Brooker, The Guardian

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