David McCandless

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Award-winning London-based writer, author and satirist

My work

Crackbook - A Spoof Of Facebook

Crackbook - Are you hooked?Crackbook is an addictive social networking utility that gives you the impression you’re connecting with people when actually you’re just not.

(A little spoof I rustled up. Enjoy it. Oh - and see if you can find the secret pages).

Filed in Funny, Net Culture, Spoofs, Websites | Permalink

Watch This Space - Radiotimes.com YouTube column

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I’m writing a weekly column on the ‘Best Of YouTube’. Cherry-picked video clips with fun and some might even say, witty, commentary. Find it here. Be sure to track back through the archive. There’s some good stuff in there.

» Clips For Kids
» Best of The Simpsons
» The Best (And Worst) UFOs

Filed in Articles, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, Video | Permalink

Fitter, Happier, More Productive

Thanks to David Allen’s cult time-management credo, I have a tidy desk, a clear conscience, increased output - and an unfolding love affair with my filing cabinet.

It is grey and it is ugly, but I love it. My new Bisley four-drawer filing cabinet dominates the corner of my all-new home office. It is the centrepiece of a new organisational system that has rejuvenated my perspective and changed my life. It is all I can do not to stroke it.

Published in The Guardian, August 05

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Filed in Articles, GTD, Geeky, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

They Sing The Comet Electric

Dissident scientists advocating a controversial theory of the universe are having a field day in the wake of NASA’s Deep Impact comet collision earlier this month.

Scientists promoting the Electric Universe model say their predictions for the comet mission appear to have been more accurate than NASA’s.

Deep Impact

Published on Wired.com, Aug 05

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Filed in Articles, Journalism, Net Culture, Science, Wired | Permalink

Want the Sith movie? Got to Usenet

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Usenet newsgroups dedicated to piracy are seeing a resurgence in activity as file sharers seek less-policed areas of the internet to trade illegal data…

Published on Wired.com May 05

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Filed in Articles, Geeky, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, Wired | Permalink

Why I’m Giving Up Broadband

With an estimated five million people now connected to broadband at home, one early internet enthusiast is giving it up for good. David McCandless explains why he’s given it the boot.

Published on the BBC News Magazine, Feb 2005

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Filed in Articles, Funny, Geeky, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology | Permalink

The Applestore Of The Future

Take your pick from a range of innovative white products that simply shout “Excellent!” and “Hahahahaha!” to anyone who sees them. On you. As you walk back from the train station. At night. Alone. Oh and be sure to take out our affordable Apple Insurance.

Applestore Of The Future

Filed in Bored?, Funny, Geeky, Net Culture, Spoofs, Websites | Permalink

Just one more go…

Some online games are so addictive, some players just can’t stop - even if their lives depend on it

Ahmar Ahmad has not been outside his home in Beckenham, south London for three weeks. He barely speaks to his brother Amir anymore, just a few words when they see each other in the morning. A year ago, the 30-something brothers, avid PC games players, came across an online fantasy war game called CastleQuest 2. That was when things started to go wrong.

Today, the brothers are the top-ranking players in the game and proud of it. But it has cost them. CastleQuest is set in a persistent real-time universe. When you leave, it carries on. So to hold onto their position, the brothers must play the game 24 hours a day, in shifts. Each shift lasts 12 hours. As one gets up, the other goes to bed. They know it’s odd. It would be funny if they could only free themselves from it, but they can’t. They are addicted.

Published in The Guardian September 04

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Filed in Articles, Gaming, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

Diary Of A Virus

Within 24 hours of its release, the MyDoom virus had flooded the world’s email networks, making it the fastest-spreading virus ever.

Published in The Guardian Feb 04

They first detected it at 13:03 GMT, 10 days ago. An innocuous attachment in an email sent from Russia triggered a minor alarm at the Global Operations Centre of Messagelabs, a leading email security firm. No one paid it much attention. Just another new virus, one of the handful that are trapped, analysed and blacklisted every day in the darkened bunker in Gloucester they call the war room. Little did they know…

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Filed in Articles, Geeky, Net Culture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

Trip II The Moon

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The internet underworld of extreme drug use finds its voice.

“Everyone who was still left at the party began running like hunted animals. I wasn’t sure if Ray had a weapon at this point so I decided to just run away from him. We wouldn’t have been so scared to fight him had he not been naked and also a 6-foot-1-inch, 180-pound Taikwondo Black Belt. About five of some of my bigger friends restrained him by holding his arms and legs that were kicking furiously. This is when he started to speak as if he were possessed. He would repeat the same phrases in random order. He was saying shit like: “This is perfection, I am Jesus, I am the center of the universe, I’m gay, Come lie with me, Daddy Mommy lie with me, black people, fingertips, Cock!!!” and he would scream at the top of his lungs between saying these horrid things…”
“Possessed Rampage” by TJ
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=6839

On underground drug websites, there are tens of thousands of ‘trip reports’ - web-essays detailing the first-hand experiences of users of just about every drug you can image: synthetic, plant, household cleaning product. Speed, cannabis, ecstasy, opium, LSD, alcohol, Benylin, even caffeine, even nutmeg . Plus bizarre ‘research chemicals’ with exotic lab names such as 5-Me0-DiPT and 2-CT-2 that are too new to have earned themselves a street name.

Unedited, unfettered, often unpunctuated, trip reports make compelling, voyeuristic and at turns touching and harrowing reading. The writers have no inhibitions. Anonymity frees them (as do the drugs). Many are typed under the influence: pure streams of altered consciousness, running to thousands of words.

Published in Tank Magazine Feb 04

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Filed in Articles, Drugs, Net Culture, Subculture | Permalink

Cannabis.co.uk

It will arrive next day by registered delivery in an unassuming padded envelope, promises the blurb on the British website. Inside, vacuum-sealed, will be 7.5g of AK47 - high-grade Cannabis Sativa. “Very strong nice smoke,” gushes the sales copy on the site. “Back by popular demand.”

Published in The Guardian Jan 04

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Filed in Articles, Drugs, Net Culture, Subculture, Technology, The Guardian | Permalink

Make cheats, not war

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The US army’s foray into violent PC games has been hailed a success. But it didn’t allow for one thing - cheaters

Christopher has been killed in action many times: 305 to be exact. But his most recent death was the last straw. Defending an Alaskan pipeline from terrorist attack, he and his nine-man squad came under fire from a sniper who picked them off, one by one, in just under a minute.

“We were lying on the ground, prone, in thick fog,” he says. “There’s no way he should have been able to shoot us, let alone see us. He must’ve been cheating.”

Published in The Guardian May 03

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Filed in Articles, Gaming, Geeky, Net Culture, Technology | Permalink

Space Invaders: The Untold Story

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Robbings, blackmail, epilepsy, melodrama and chipshops - it’s all here.

In 1978 a small Japanese company called Taito & Midway released a stand up cabinet full of electronics and sporting a bright 14in screen. It was the latest experiment in electronic entertainment. For years, other companies had been toying with the concept of the “video game”, most successfully Atari with its electronic tennis game Pong in 1972. No one, however, had achieved true mainstream success.

So nobody paid Taito’s new gimmick much attention. It was called Invasion Space or Space Invaders or Space Raiders, or something. It was a silly black and white game where you shot aliens in spaceships. It cost an exorbitant 10p to play and had irritating sound effects.

But the world has never been quite the same since.

Published in The Daily Telegraph Dec 98

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Filed in Articles, Gaming, Journalism, Net Culture, Technology | Permalink

The Fake Detective

By day, Ed is a mild-mannered retiree. By night, he is an online superhero.

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Filed in Articles, Journalism, Net Culture, Subculture, Technology | Permalink

Warez Wars

Apr 1997 - revised Dec 2001

For some, software piracy is a pathological, obsessive, illegal habit. For the software industry it’s a billion dollar nightmare.

Published in Wired April 1997

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Filed in Articles, Geeky, Journalism, Net Culture, Subculture, Technology, Wired | Permalink

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Check out my spoof of the world wide web. It's funny yeah?

"You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll realise you didn't cry at all, but simply laughed again."
Charlie Brooker, The Guardian

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